Black Monday

I guess Xmas is here because I got the rain last night. Out of nowhere without any type of sign the train hit me fast and hard. I was just looking at the fucking like a virgin xmas tree and all damn things I keep inside came rushing out...so frustrating to have so much and feel so little. My head hurts like daylight, dont know if it is the wine, the crying or the migrane...oh God let it be migrane so I have an excuse to lock myself during the holidays. I dont think I hate xmas but I dont love them either. yes I know the our savior was born but why do ppl have to act like they are in Plesantville, if you are not in a merry mood, fake it? I will try to stop the bashing until january at least. Hopefully I will be in a better mood once the vac. get start. Thanks V for allways being a big ear
We've all heard of Rudolph and his shiny nose..

And we all know frosty who's made out of snow..

But all of those stories seem kind of, Gay..

Cos we all know who brightens up our holiday..



Mr Hankey, The Christmas Poo

Small and Brown, he comes from you

Sit on the toilet, here he comes

Squeeze him tween your festive buns!

A present from down below

Speading joy with a 'howdy ho'!

He's seen the love inside of you

Cos he's a piece of poo!



Sometimes he's nutty, sometimes he's corny

He can be brown, or greenish-brown

But if you eat fibre on Christmas Eve

He might come to your town..

Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo

He loves me, I love you

Therefore vicariously, he loves you

'I can make a Mr Hankey too'!



Cartman: 'Well Kyle, where is he?'

Kyle: 'Uh, he's coming..'

Stan: 'Come on dude, Push!'

Kyle: 'I'm trying'

Cartman: 'Wait Wait! I can see his head'

Kyle: 'Here he comes..'

Mr Hankey: 'HOWDY HO!'



I'm Mr Hankey, the Christmas poo..

Seasons greetings to all of you..

Lets sing songs, and dance, and play..

Now, before I melt away..

Here's a game I like to play..

Stick me in your mouth and try to say..

'Howdy ho ho, yum yum yum

Christmas time has come!'



Sometimes he's runny, sometimes he's firm

Sometimes he practically water..

Sometimes he hangs off the end of your ass

And wont fall in the toilet,

cos he's just clinging to your sphincter

And he wont drop off, and so you shake your ass around..

And try to get it to drop in the toilet

And finally it does..



Mr Hankey the Christmas Poo

Christmas leaves, he must leave too..

Flush him down, but he's never gone,

His smell and his spirit lingers on.

Howdy ho!


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just one more week

One more week before my vacations finally arrive. I just need to survive 5 working days and I am out of here until Jan. Trying to keep a little hope in humanity for the rest of the year since there is only 16 days to go, I think I can manage. At least I have not get depress this season, that is something nice. Not in a merry mood either but hey I have to be me. Have a few home projects ahead lets see if I finally get them done. I just found this on youtube and it made me feel all fuzzy inside enjoy

Two more weeks

My weekend can be summarize as a trouble free one. Friday night was just me my margaritas and TV. Went early to sleep...Really early. Woke up at 7 something am with the rush to do the garden so I did it. Took me less than I expected but I will need to give it TLC for it to get where is suppose to be. I might relocate the cactus so I can be more creative on the front...Xtmas project anyone? Decided to go gas burning so I feed all my animals and took off. Went to Cayey not much to see there, kept going south and found a nice bakery with many, many, many sweets I like but only took 3 cheescake, corn muffin and "quesito". Kept on driving pass Ponce because I wanted to take some pics at an old factory I also like..But on my overly spontaneous outburst forgot the cam >< oh well. Call V and Anthony to see if I was able to deliver a long overdue visit luckly I catch them. Ate more sweet with them(yes I was in a very good mood). Actually had to cut my visit short because it was a big day for Anthony and didnt want to be the third wheel(sorry but I wont trade places je,je,je). Since I didnt want to go the northen route decided to go back the same way. Javi called and he was in Ponce so I ended up entering the town to talk with him for a while when I was there Will called crying because a friend has die. So we did everything we could to calm him down. Since that was not working I took my Ghoul to Carolina to see if he was ok. After making sure he was ok and with food in his belly I went home. Aparently I do have a network of ppl cause they were calling thanking for making sure Will was ok...they could have done the same thing but...
Sunday was supposed to be the day the lights were going to be put...but decided to wash the black and reorganize the aquariums. Then some random conversations and in the evening finally took the lights and tested them...all of them in perfect order. So today if nothing distract me I will put the Xmat decor. Maybe I will put something in the front yard not sure what yet.

Days go by and sometimes I feel like I was abducted by aliens. Weekends come and go and for some reason they pass without leaving any residue..hmmm Almos one week to the deadline the contractor has to finish the job and very little had been done...guess I see myself in court again in January. Can not wait for my vacations to arrive need to rot with a purpose, just stay in bed a few cold mornings feeling, make the cave my own one more time. Maybe plan a gathering or two, spend afternoons with my pack...just breath a little.
New cast member: Lou
First appearance: the net
Special abilities: entertaiment center, wits, blunt
WHY?: been thru Hell and still find the posite side of life
Relevance: Fresh air
Purpose: to be find out

Look at them now
What do they want?
And what do they do now?
Nothing at all!

What do they know?
What do they think?
And who do they tell?
Well, no one at all!

Lives are truely meaningless
And we are busy being blessed

With that we can take and pocket
No one needs to know
We're is the plug and they're the socket
Give us the juice and we'll go

Can't you hear the choir now?
Listen to the animals sing!
Can't you hear the slaughterhouse bells?
In the land of the pigs the butcher is king!
In the land of the pigs the butcher is king!

How do they sleep?
Their lives are so tart
Bring me the trash collectors
'Cause they're nothing but trash

What do you expect?
They've got no standards
So we lower the bar
'Cause they're waiting for us

We'll open up Pandora's Box
Pandora gave her keys and locks

They're the big dogs waiting for their mother
Come to the confessional
So I can tell you all to bugger off
There's no time like now!

Can't you hear the choir now?
Listen to the animals sing!
Can't you hear the slaughterhouse bells?
In the land of the pigs the butcher is king!

Can't you hear the choir now?
Listen to the market-place sing!
Can't you hear the slaughterhouse bells?
In the land of the pigs the butcher is king!
In the land of the pigs the butcher is king...

And we'll do it our way
It's our time to play
We know what to say
They stand in our way
Don't stand in our way
No time like today...

Can't you hear the choir now?
Listen to the anthems we sing!
Can't you hear the slaughterhouse bells?
In the land of the pigs the butcher is king!

Can't you hear the choir now?
Listen to the animals sing!
Can't you hear the slaughterhouse bells?
In the land of the pigs the butcher is king!

Can't you hear the choir now?
Listen to the chosen ones sing!
Can't you hear the slaughterhouse bells?
In the land of the pigs the butcher is king!
In the land of the pigs the butcher is king!
In the land of the pigs the butcher is king!
In the land of the pigs the butcher is king...

MEAT LOAF - "In The Land Of The Pigs (The Butcher Is King)"

Dancing Penguins

This weekend was my so dreaded house cleansing...time to get rid of all the stuff that doesnt mean a thing but I still carried around. Letters, cards, pictures, papers(lots of them), books and many little things that had been kept for no special reason. I felt like I was trap in a gnomish contraption. I decided to work in multiple task since I couldnt finish one without another been in process...leave it to me to make a rollercoaster of cleaning a house. Sunday took the day to myself: prepared a fit for a King breakfast, watched cartoons in bed, fall asleep, wake up and went to see Happy Feet...maybe it was the alergy medicne but I laught a lot during the movie...then took myself to eat at Maccaroni Grill. Then to end the day went home took a bath and went to bed...then I realize the dogs havent eatten so got out of bed spend one hour feeding them took another shower and then went to sleep. I forgot that today is a Holiday here so I got up at 5am no cars in the highway showed me the errors of waking up so early so I arrive like 6:30 am to my office where I am sitting now writting this.

A House is not a Home

Oh well another Monday morning trying to get up to date with my so called life...Still in the finishing stage of the big fucking project I have been running the past 9 days. Hopefully I will be done by tomorrow...FINALLY. But my day to day is a little falling behind and I guess I will be catching up a few more days.
For some reason I am loking at places to by in San Juan and Rio Piedras. I am begining to enjoy my solitude but there is so much more I wanted to do with a house and although I think I live only 25 minutes from SJ(which I do) ppl think that is to far away and I kind of want to be a host more often.
Spend the whole weekend doing xmast cleaning...and still will be cleaning for the rest of the week. Why, oh why do I have so much crap in my house? Is only me, isn't? Whatever I decide to do I need my pack with me:Kalisto, Dimitri, Tarja(not mine, or is she?) They are the highlight of my day even if arrive tired playing with them relaxes me as much as going to the gym.
Almost 11am time to start the show...

Working 10 to 12 hours a day to finish a project has been quite fun. Changing the strategies to deal with the ppl I supervise, great idea. Have seen a difference in their attitude or maybe I am getting better at this. Boss=pig no more to say there. Sucks to go to interviews to find out they pay a misery, oh well.
New meaning to the word LIFE: Do not take for granted the little things that surround you.
Next year is the year of the Godfather...more on that later
My dream house was sold last week...it wasnt meant to be
lasy blog just to let ppl know I am well and alive

Darkness

No, it isn't that I am back into depression is that all I could stand for the past 2 days was darkness. My migraine took a turn for the lets fuck your brains until you bleed. Then after it was bleeding decided to cast a regeneration/fireball/permanency loop combo that shut me down for quite a while. Even the werewolfs notice since they behave when I went to fed them. Actually I think I heard them cry last night...will make time to pamper them this weekend.
Quick recap:
In the freak show that I call life. I am the ring master, always in the center, directing, entertaining, making everyone welcome, in the spot light, always with an inviting smile, surrounding by freaks I call family and expectators...but always alone in the center. I am bless to be appreciate by the ppl I am and all of them know(or at least I hope they know) how important they are in my life, but...there is always a but, I need to feel what some feel around me. I want to rest and know that someone is watching my sleep at least for a few minutes. I need to feel the fire burning in my chest with only a spoken word. I want to explore the bottomless pit knowing there is a light waiting for me at home...
There are jobs opportunities out there 2 to be exact, dont know if this is the right time or if they are the right jobs. Dont want to mess the masters or maybe I do...
Might go to jail if the F***ing contractor does not make an apperaing act...
really need to get the counseling/psi office up an running...much later
Thankgiving week screw due to my boss getting eye surgery...and plastic surgery, think I could convincethe doc to sew his eyelids?
Falling in love with some new lyrics+sounds(about time)
...some one once send me a message that I still keep everywhere, I think it summaries who I am...
If you ever feel like crying call me I dont promise to make you laught but I can cry with you
If you one day feel like not hearing anyone call me I promise to be very still
But if one day you call and I dont answer
come to my rescue maybe I need you

R

Almost getting there

Last night I got home stared the ritual of doggies, got wet since apparently was raining the whole day. I got the feeling they just wanted me to get sucking wet, even Kalisto was jumping on me instead of waiting for me to pamper her. After ending smelling like a wet dog, took a bath and went to the msn to see if my class mates had received the info I send them. For my surprise the Kender of my life was there, it had been almost 2 years since last we spoke(mostly my part I think), out of surprise I send a "Hi"...She answer back and we end up writhing/reading for almost one hour. It was like it was yesterday we had talk last. No ackwarness or hard feelings just a friendly conversation with the sassiness I expect from her but hidden agenda. After agreeing to not disappear from each other life we said goodbye. No sadness or feeling "what if?" just a plain exchange of words with a friend. Maybe that is all I need more ppl that are REALLY my friends. So maybe I will start the Get Reacquainted Crusade and get a hold of ppl that for some reason I let go.
Work...Why bother
Mother getting the 100,000 miles tuneup and a lot of things are getting out hope she will get good news when she gets out of the garage.
Father is in HYSTERICAL mode with the little men.

Master of puppets

I realize a few minutes ago that today is Wednesday...Wednesday...WTF!!!!! It seems that I have been working/studying for 5 days already. My mind is every where and now where. Need to read/review/prepare paper for 6 chapters, start working on final presentation that for this class is one individual and one group, big papa left the class due to medical conditions both his and wife, closing fiscal year got mess up thank to the BEST person I have in my charge(not ironic), emergency room project got me staying here until late last night and early this morning, have 3 due dates this week (why do I even bother to have a scheduler :P) and is only Wednesday. Not that I am looking forward the weekend since I HAVE to do the lawn >:( , watch dogs/cars(actually both together would be fun).
...Of course this means I am having a great time...
Esther...Or "I felt in love because you say hi" as I like to call her is in a psycho mood because I NEVER GAVE HER A CHANCE...wtf!---Morale:never talk/help ppl in distress better to let them disappear.
I will probably buy an AC to use on Sundays and that would be my day off. Just in my room playing video games and no contact with the outside world what so ever...hmm there is an interesting idea.
The plans for Orlando seems to be going down the drain sin Sony haven't confirm anything yet so I am looking for a cheap trip to do on November.

Sick

This time I am not sick of life or work I am plain vanilla SICK. Body aches, soar throat, running nose, sneezing, coughing and I think fever...Am I hallucinating? Left early yesterday from work got home no puppies or anything went straight to bed. Sleep until Almost 8 I think. The dogs were pounding at the window, yes they can do that, so I went to feed them, took a bath and went back to bed. Today came to work because I need to finish some things from college but depending on my mood/health I will leave early...
Being the Joda that I am no about the weekend past write I will, hmmm...

On Friday I got a call from Esther apparently I again overbook my schedule and I had forgot I told her we will go out that night. Told her I had two friends comings to my house and that I will have a raincheck on the date...I guess she is mad cause I haven't heard from her since. There was no way I was going to miss the witch/mage combo.Although they started their journey a little late I try not to go too deep into the Morpheum so I could hear the bells announcing their arrival. At almost 2am the wail of the banshee woke me up. After a few minutes of where the hell are you? The duo arrive at my haven. V is always a refreshing company I was a little esceptial about the mage since we haven't actually talk in years. Who knew? It was like we were in the floor of Chardon playing the old Ravenloft campaign. At least I didn't felt ackwa everything flew smoothly...A little too much since ewe end up going to bed at almost 4 am. Screw the ghoul tuneup.
Woke up...Is a mess here because even though I got up first they end up waiting for me. Got to Old San Juan and I have remember that no everyone likes to walk like me. So I made them walk from Doña Fela to la Plaza them to el Morro. The experience was incredible. The place could be in better shape but...Esto es Puerto Rico. The views, the chats and more walking lol I though V was going to melt at one point lol.
After that went to eat a HAMBURGER once again the duo kept the mood going :) Then made a mandatory stop for library(was closed), pet, moneyorder, and borders. Went home and send them or they marry(jejeje) way.
Great chemistry, love the way he treats her, love the way she looks at him I am happy for you both.
Sunday went to college to get some stuff I was suppose to do on Saturday. My boss called asking me ifIi had my employees home numbers so I could tell someone to com early...WTF on a Sunday morning no way Jose. No emergency just hisparanoiacc self.
Monday went to court to try solve theissue with the f***ing contractor, he agree in front of the judge to be done by December 15 2006..We'lll see.too much drama at work but guess what not about me YEYYYYYYY. Finally I am not part of the drama.College at night ahhh yeah I enjoy my group of collegebodiess and classes so what. I learn more of the ppl than of the class that day. And Tuesday I already wrote :P
The moral of the story is that everyone seems to be happy in our onw worlds and ways. Let the goodtimes role,

after b-day

33 yes the age of Christ....am I supposed to die now? Oh well I did have a great weekend: Friday I had a meeting wth my college buddies to discuss the final presentation on Chillis' between the margaritas and the smoking fajitas we got the job done. After went to meet some friends at the old Chit-Chat to play dominoes and have a drink. Saturday morning spend almost the whole mid day with my Mom buying a "bed in a sack" oh well, many calls to congratz 2 missing in action, you know who you are, and one special message that almost made me cry. It wasnt a happy birthday wish it was more of al the reasons I appreciate your friendship through all this years, many thanks. Saturday night had a date/hangout thingie not much to say but the food was ok :P Sunday treat myself to a great breakfast then to meet my father for brunch which turn out to be dinner 5 hours later...I get really pis when I am hungry...but after all the waiting ny younger brither was able to eat with us so it turns out be a night of open heart family bounding...Spend most of the monday finishing my solo project to my first masters class got an A , thank you very much, and I might have done some frienships in he meanwhile...still have 3 inviations for dinner and friends comming home this weekend. Gifts HELL YEAH! My gifts will be deliver as they come.
Got a phone call from the contractor he is supposed to be working at the moment in my house anyway we have a date in court on monday...
Work..NO COMMENTS

B-week

I am turning 33 this saturday, just another year hoping to get what I know I deserve...Not much plan, I have like 3 open invitations ...not bad compare to last year. I have been worring of having nothing to worry about...I know I need help. I am in a very good place inside and out. But this sensation of calmness in a little disturbing to be honest. I am getting paranoid waiting for "what will happen?" "when it will happen?". I feel like I need to be in a High note all the time to not think about the ifs...but my mind works in every direction...past, present, future(NO ppl I cant give you the loto numbers) But playing with possibilities is tiresome but fun. love/company/sex/laughter/support/compassion/understanding these are a few of the things I give/request from the person at my side...I have settle from time to time...thanks to my Logical Chip that I have to turn ON everytime. stability/safe/noleash/trust/confiability/tolerance these are the things I have settle for.
Need to feel alive from time to time. want to smile for a little longer.

Things do to this week:

Annoyed co-workers check
make boss look like a fool check
run office as I see fit check
do garden pospone until further notice
see finale of who want to be a superhero tonight
get migraine check
get piss hmmm....weird....nothing...hmmm

am I evil?

To watch the beast fall from the top up the mountain...nice
To be the one that push it...great
To be the one that build the mountain form which everything occurs...geniuos
To get the seat the beast left vacant...evil

No morals just the desire to inflict onto others what they have done to you.
The cheer joy of looking into the eyes of despair and defeit.
The sweet extasis of an enymies failure.
The Silence that Victory brings.


Passages from The Book of Storms by Coriolis


Today Coriolis rules the mind...not a bad thing. That means I am enjoying myself...maybe a little too much. If everthing falls into place I will decifer. If not let the riddles spin out of control. NOT ON DRUGS PPL.
Havent finninsh my first class nad already have the assignment for the first class of next course...:P I am loving it. Havent feel tired yet, havent done the garden yet, havent finish Suikode III yet, hevent receive Suikoden II yet...and yet I feel happy and more or less at peace. I have something in my life that gives me peace and rage. Weird, unhealthy, desperate, maybe...but what else a emotinal Agoraphobian like me could survive. Still the one emotion I want the most is not there as much as I want it to...hmmm Well you gice and you take. So far it has been a bumpy ride and I am still there...weirder.

This has been one of the weirdest week in a long time. Everyone in my circle is HAPPY yep actually smillling and laughing. I think this is the first time that this has happen in a very loooong time. I have a running joke that me and my friends are in a see saw one up another down but it appears we are all upo at the moment...or is it that I am on my way down...hmmm
Been very busy with college stuff still trying to get used to the idea I HAVE to work in groups. Besides that I think I could manange 2 classes but I will try to lissen to Viv and to not get compulsive about it. With the work experience I have at the moment I really enjoy the class dynamic, no competive behavior. We are learning from the proffesor and each other. Is a merge of ideas and concepts without envy or backstabbing. And ppl actually apreciated you if you make an intelligent comment. Why the real life has to be such a cut troat enviroment?

I Go To Extremes
Billy Joel

Call me a joker, call me a fool
Right at this moment I'm totally cool
Clear as a crystal, sharp as a knife
I feel like I'm in the prime of my life
Sometimes it feels like I'm going too fast
I don't know how long this feeling will last
Maybe it's only tonight

Darling I don't know why I go to extremes
Too high or too low there ain't no in-betweens
And if I stand or I fall
It's all or nothing at all
Darling I don't know why I go to extremes

Sometimes I'm tired, sometimes I'm shot
Sometimes I don't know how much more I've got
Maybe I'm headed over the hill
Maybe I've set myself up for the kill
Tell me how much do you think you can take
Until the heart in you is starting to break?
Sometimes it feels like it will

Darling I don't know why I go to extremes
Too high or too low there ain't no in-betweens
You can be sure when I'm gone
I won't be out there too long
Darling I don't know why I go to extremes

Out of the darkness, into the light
Leaving the scene of the crime
Either I'm wrong or I'm perfectly right every time
Sometimes I lie awake, night after night
Coming apart at the seams
Eager to please, ready to fight
Why do I go to extremes?

Darling I don't know why I go to extremes
Too high or too low there ain't no in-betweens
And if I stand or I fall
It's all or nothing at all
Darling I don't know why I go to extremes
No I don't know why I go to extremes
Too high or too low there ain't no in-betweens
You can be sure when I'm gone
I won't be out there too long
Darling I don't know why I go to extremes

Finally decided to get something here...as usual I will start ranting and lets hope we get somewhere...
I have feel great lately...guess that the reason I havent been here...I have found time to breath and be myself. I went and started my masters, they only gave me one class hopefully I will be able to get to classes for the next period cause I feel like I ma walking on the park. The policy of this college required to work on groups...WHAT? I will deal with it one class at a time.
My bitch gave birth...saddly the pups came sick so as yesterday none survive, now I am giving therapy to my manipulativer bitch so she can go on woth her life...she is really sad been crying a lot. Hope she doesnt commit suicide.
FINALLY went to Mayaguez to see Miss V house...great view love what she is doing with the place. She will have many little projects but I know she is up to it...if the money arrives lol.
Work..the only constant in my life...my boss sucks and apparently really good cause he still here with the nonjob he is doing. My co-workers well I am begin to feel like an island separeted from everyone. People only come to me when they need something or maybe is that since the incident with MV i have been avoiding too much contact with ppl. I decided to manage myself since my boss doesnt, I am deciding the projects I take and wich I am not capacitaded to to :P
Taking to some friends trying to get to know a few ppl not a social whore but a social creature.

Hello!!!

On the looong journey to discovery...still like RPGs, love sci-fi movies, series(getting back to Scifi Channel), fantasy novels(trying to finish one before going back to study), dogs, behaving like a dog, playing with dogs...get the idea? talking to ppl that like to talk back, music...I am trying to let a few persons into my circle of friends but I didnt knew how lasy I was at keeping in touch with ppl or maybe is that they bore me to death. The only speed dial of my life is V, Sony, Angel beside that i get sidetrack at calling back.
Managing a relationship and trying to enjoy myself...well is a pain in the neck. I love to be by myself doing nothing...that idea is out of the door when someone is around. I am always right, that is an Universal Truth...why is so hard to accept? :P,NOONE do something for nothing no matter how much they said they do, I have to deal with it. Fireworks only come on the 4th of july and new years eve everything else is just another monday.

Six o'clock already I was just in the middle of a dream
I was kissin' Valentino by a crystal blue Italian stream
But I can't be late 'cause then I guess I just won't get paid
These are the days when you wish your bed was already made.

It's just another manic Monday (oh-woe)
I wish it was Sunday (oh-woe)
'Cause that's my Funday (oh-woe)
My I don't have to runday (oh)
It's just another manic Monday.

Have to catch an early train, got to be to work by nine
And if I had an air-o-plane, I still couldn't make it on time
'Cause it takes me so long just to figure out what I'm gonna wear
Blame it on the train but the boss is already there.

It's just another manic Monday (oh-woe)
I wish it was Sunday (oh-woe)
'Cause that's my Funday (oh-woe)
My I don't have to runday (oh)
It's just another manic Monday.

All of my nights why did my lover have to pick last night to get down (last night, last night)
Doesn't it matter that I have to feed the both of us, employment's down
He tells me in his bedroom voice:
"C'mon honey, let's go make some noise" (ba ba ba baaaa)
Time, it goes so fast (when you're having fun).

It's just another manic Monday (oh-woe)
I wish it was Sunday (oh-woe)
'Cause that's my Funday (oh-woe)
My I don't have to runday (woe)
It's just another manic Monday (oh-woe)
I wish it was Sunday (oh-woe)
'Cause that's my funday (oh)
It's just another manic Monday.





THE BANGLES - "Manic Monday"

....from out of space

Dont want to sound angry or piss all the time but that is my nature. Even when ppl are nice to me I have this dont approach me face that many dont get. Actually I think I only laught, not smile but LOL with only one person, wish she was closer but that is life. For those keeping score I bought a car thank you very much...if I have it with me for a month I will post a pic ok! Still dealing with crap at work(reason why I am piss almost all the time), there is someone in my life(dont want to go into details at the moment) the contractor is missing in action(para vairar) and I am trying to keep in touch with my "friends" more often...more on that later(maybe)

Viv, Sony, Wil, Angel these are the only numbers I know by heart
Angel2, Mamushka, Esther these are the one I am trying to know
Sara, George, Daniel these I need to make an effort
J.R., J.J. those I want to forget

Have:
Best Friend
House
Job
Car

Wants:
Disney vac.
Egypt Trip
Go Broadway hooping
Someone to share it with

Trade:
Job
House

Need:
Time/Space to enjoy life

**Just a brainstorm hopefully NOONE will think I will kill myself***

Live To Tell The Tale
Nightwish

A single grain can tip the scale
Amidst the burden the scale will prevail
Showing what`s worth being here
Storyteller by a hearth of stone
A white little creature purring me
My childhood kingdom gone in time
The islands filling my mind with blue
The one in speacial, heaven's court

All the joy unforgiven by this task

An errant soul, homeless and foul
All gone but the will to
Live to tell the tale

The days are filled with anxiety
Frustration, one right note a day
Where to find a perfect tune
Just do the work and take a step back

All the joy unforgiven by this task

An errant soul, homeless and foul
All gone but the will to
Live to tell the tale

Dark chambers of my mind
Locked around the neck of my love
None of you understand
And it doesn't matter
To a broken marionette like me

An errant soul, homeless and foul

An errant soul, homeless and foul
All gone but the will to
Live to tell the tale

Oh how I hate mykind
Have it all
Yet wish to die

Not mykind but the kind as you are
Saints in Cain's mask
I love you
I just did

long day ahead

I have been in the office since 5am I am suppose to be at a tainning from 8:30am tp 5:00pm WTF!!!! oh well. I cant count on No one in my department to do the things that need to be done but I can always count on:
The Airhead to do everyhting with her feet and be stupid
The Parrot to be blabing all over the place
The ghost that do a lot of noise but is ethereal
The monkey...well to act like one

If it wasnt for the fact that I actually act as my own boss I will run...let me check my loto ticket...someone is a millionaire but not me...ok back to the issue The benefict I get out of my possitions are the only thing keeping me here. If I could put a dollar amount to be able to do as I almost please, to have the recognition of ppl outside the dpt and to be able to be bitchy and ppl have to deal with it I might be able to go to an interview with an idea of how much $$$$ I want. My tolerance levels are non existent and working with children is not helping. So From now on I will treat ppl as they deserve...

NO CAR AT THE MOMENT...dont want to talk/write about it.

need to find an outlet for my anger because I think is getting out of hand...

new day

Let me start by saying that I am not taking any pills or other control drugs...for some reason the black cloud over my head had left and I see a bright day in front of me. I guess is true once you hit the bottom the only way is up. I do have many things I want to do with my life, and to do some I have to put on hold others, that is the difference. Is not that I am discarting, negleting or dismissing is just putting on hold. I have a life to finish as many degrees as I please and if I dont then I will go with the ones I have. So is not a matter of being pull in difrent direction is a matter of having MANY goals in life. Too many...so what, is better than going walking like an undead. I forgot that I used to have many goals and once I reached one there was another, apparently I didnt though about it after college and getting a house. I NEED a purpuse to wake up in the morning I want to be able to look forward to next week or next year. I am going to plan, I am going to write a new story with another set of twist and turns.

How Will I Laugh Tomorrow
ST

Here I sit and watch my world come crumbling down
I cry for help but no one's around
Silently screaming I bang my head against the wall
It seems like no one cares at all
Always an emotion, but how can I explain
How can I explain
Kind of like the scent of a rose
With words I can't explain
The same with my pain
Caught up in emotion-Goes over my head
Goes over my head
Sometimes I got to think to myself is this life or death
Am I living or am I dead
The clock keeps ticking but nothing else seems to change
Problems never solved, just rearranged
And when I think about all the times that I've had
So few good-So many bad
I search for personality and I look for things I can not see

Love and peace flash through my mind
Pain and hate are all I find
Find no hope in nothing new
Never had a dream come true
Lies and hate and agony
Thru my eyes that's all I see
If I'm gonna cry
Will you wipe away my tears?
If I'm gonna die
Lord please take away my fear
Before I drown in sorrow
Last thing that I'll say
How will I laugh tommorow
If I can't even smile today
Today today--when I can't even smile today
Today today--when I can't even smile today
How will I laugh tommorow--when I can't even smile today
How will I laugh tommorow--when I can't even smile today

Martes 13

First we have 060606 day now martes 13, I know for you northamerican is suppose to be Friday 13th but here in Latino land we beleive martes 13 is the bad luck day...why did I get out of my house? with the luck I am having lately I shouldn't take any risk. Anyway I did the summer cleaning of the House now if the weather permits I will do the garden this weekend. Finish FF X-2 not too trill about it the game kind of sucks compare to FF X. Maybe is me but the story lines are getting kind of borring. Will try to read more until August since I am meeting people that actually know something about literature. The only person I can talk about some intelectual stuff is Miss V or maybe she is the only person that gets me. Or maybe I am the only person that gets her who knows.

Don't Stop Being Crazy
Helloween

You're the one I would pick out in a million
You're the one I would wish for as the friend of my life (life)
If the whole world decided for a colour
Would pixels be any different in you (you)

Brave and smart against the rules
You smile upon the fools
I'll follow where you go
I want you to know

Don't stop being crazy
Wherever you go
Don't stop being crazy
It's a lie
It's a lie
It's a lie we could not learn to fly
Oh no
Don't stop being crazy

When you walk you walk higher than the others
When you talk you talk merciless the bothering truth (truth)
Everyone seems remote-controlled nowadays
Only you have a frequency far beyond their ways (ways)

Still that strong you walk alone
Don't wonder where they're gone
I'll follow where you go
I want you to know

Don't stop being crazy
Wherever you go
Don't stop being crazy
It's a lie
It's a lie
It's a lie we could not learn to fly
Oh no
Don't stop being crazy (crazy)

Still that strong you walk alone
Don't wonder where they're gone
I'll follow where you go
I want you to know

Don't stop being crazy
Wherever you go
Don't stop being crazy
It's a lie
It's a lie
It's a lie we could not learn to fly
Oh no
Don't stop being crazy

06-06-06

Just in case this really was the D day I decided to go away again. I had a blast sleeping, eatting, bathing in the beach(I said BEACH). No shitting actually, for some reason my touchie likes it at home...err anyway. It was nice to get away from everything in a place were no one knows who you are. I got myself a nice tan also. Hopefully the felling will last a while. If not well I have plans of making more ME time along the year. I am really considering doing a masters/Ph in psycology. I can put all my mind tricks to a good use. I though about the lawyer thingie but do I really want to start building a firm at 35? The thing is I might have to wait until next year to do that so I can have a few payments ahead on the house. Also if things turn out my way I might go to Egypt or India ....OK Egypt but I want to go for at least 3 weeks so I can take my time to enjoy everything...just if.

Baby we can talk all night
But that ain't getting us nowhere
I told you everything I possibly can
There's nothing left inside of here

And maybe you can cry all night
But that'll never change the way I feel
The snow is really piling up outside
I wish you wouldn't make me leave here

I poured it on and I poured it out
I tried to show you just how much I care
I'm tired of words and I'm too hoarse to shout
But you've been cold to me so long
I'm crying icicles instead of tears

And all I can do is keep on telling you
I want you
I need you
But there ain't no way
I'm ever gonna love you
Now don't be sad
'Cause two out of three ain't bad
Now don't be sad
'Cause two out of three ain't bad

You'll never find your gold on a sandy beach
You'll never drill for oil on a city street
I know you're looking for a ruby
In a mountain of rocks
But there ain't no Coupe de Ville hiding
At the bottom of a Cracker Jack box

I can't lie
I can't tell you that I'm something I'm not
No matter how I try
I'll never be able to give you something
Something that I just haven't got

There's only one girl that I will ever love
And that was so many years ago
And though I know I'll never get her out of my heart
She never loved me back, ooh I know
I remember how she left me on a stormy night
She kissed me and got out of our bed
And though I pleaded and I begged her
Not to walk out that door
She packed her bags and turned right away

And she kept on telling me
She kept on telling me
She kep on telling me
I want you
I need you
But there ain't no way
I'm ever gonna love you
Now don't be sad
'Cause two out of three ain't bad
Don't be sad
'Cause two out of three ain't bad

Baby we can talk all night
But that ain't getting us nowhere

MEAT LOAF - "Two Out Of Three Ain't Bad"
Jim Steinman-Writter

Some things I knew, some I didnt knew and somne things I just didnt wanted to know. I an letting the kender out more often it has been a while since he came so close to the surface. I havent realize how much I missed him.

Went to see The last stand on Friday...well, hmm, ahhh, if you dont mind the buffalos running free in North America or the Nazis rulling all over Europe or believing that the Davinci code is for real then you will love this movie. On the other hand if you beleive that a story should be told as it happens then run the other way. I know that for Hollywood you have to adapt some things to make them flashier(commercial) but I think they got out of hand with this one. Is not a 3 years' old franchise that you guys are meesing with. With the money you made oout of the first 2 you should know there was material to do like 4 or 5. Why did you have to go and trash all over the stories like that. But any way go fur ball. Also saw Davinci code last night. I did enjoy it but very, very predictable. I prefer Nationals treasures for that matter. But at least it got me interested in reading the book.
Did some work on my garden but had to stop because I got blimishes on my hands...elves were not made for hard labor. Bathed my dogs or bathed with them as usual.
Planning another get away this weekned so dont tell anyone :P if you cant find me know that I will be ok...hopefully. But if you donr hear from me by tuesday get a little worry.

An old Spirit wanting to rest, a wandering soul seeking shelter, ruins of what used to be...I just want to take a drill and let all the steam out of my head. I can feel the migraine coming and there is no stopping it. I had been in the worse mood ever for the past week. And noone is even trying to understand that I am VERY IRRITABLE! Sorry but I do have a limit break and I think I reach it a while ago. Why the fuck do I have to still be the one there for everybody damn it. I too need someone to take the load of from once in a while. I know the burden I carry, I know the responsibilities, the constant judgment, the endless critiquing...But that doesn't mean it is easy or that I don't get tire...I am tired. Family, friends?, work...Life. When is my time to be on the passenger sit? When is my time to just be me?
On top of all the things boiling inside I found out that one of the only 3 co-workers I do share is piss at me...And for what?...I DON'T HAVE A CLUE. He just verbally attack me yesterday out of the blue, which made me so angry that I wanted it to take all my frustration on him. I wanted to rip his tongue and shove it into his ass so he could taste the shit he was talking.
My father is still mad at me for living the rich life or something
Forgot to pay cable, the payment I did make is on the air because is not on my account and it never reach the company.
Not my week, like the song says I need a blue skies holiday..Or I might lose it completely

Christine is ALIVE

So, I forgot my camera which I wish I had at the moment of posting this, but I dont. If I did you would be thinking that I post another picture of the cursed Christine...which is partially true. On Saturday afternoon I was stranded in my house playing FFX-2 when I heard a disturbing sound...I slowly got out of bed, went to the front door and saw a car ram into the already destriy piece of crap that used to be my car. My front neibor had try to move her brother's manual car and the car just went backward donw the rapm and stop when it hit mind.......ok I think this deserves a big WTF!!!!!! How can that damn car still get hit when it cant move? What fucking material was used to create that thing? If someone knows where to find the 7 daggers to kill the anti-christ please let me know.
On other news, about the car, the insurance company came on Friday and took a look at it. It is going to be "Perdida Total" hmmm didnt knew how to translate that. So this Thursday I am suppose to have an answer.
A very good friend told me I was obssesing over a car...and guess what? as always he is right. I dont know why these little things get to me so much. With all the shit happening around me I have to over analyze everything. Well I will try to change that.I said try dont expect miracles ok.

Christine stikes again

On friday night after a day that started at 5pm I got into a crash with an inmobile object, as the police claim says, just 2 minutes from my house I ram the car against a cement block on the side of the road. I am fine I suffer no harm. Being researching all over the place because ther emight be a chance that Christine will come back to life, which I FEAR. The reason that made me buy a Toyota is the same reason there is a chance she will hunt again...re-sale value. My car is worth almost $10,000 in the market right now, WHAT THE FUCK! so my fortune depends now on the estimate and the Insurance Company.
I am in charge of the office this week since my boss is on vacations out of the country. And it has been one of those weeks when everything that can goes wrong. Floods on Sunday, problems with Day End on Monday, shortage of equipment and Bitches geeting on my nerves. I might have to take Friday off to get somethings done.
Hopefully nothing else will go wrong in my life, famous last words.
The only good thing is that I finish a year long PS2 game. Now 5 more to go.

Slap in the face

Ok so I am surfing the net and I found this interesting blog:
http://radtrad.blogspot.com/2006/04/board-game-review-puerto-rico.html

It brought a smile to my face to realize that not every time I see PR on the web is to read an article about The Crisis. I know is just a stupid board game but hey this is my country and I am proud of it. We DO have mediocre leaders, and yes politics here is the dirties job of them all and YES we do suck at a bunch of things. But not everything is lost. There is ppl here that do care and want to make a difference. I know that is hard to see them with all the crap flying around but they are we just need to keep looking for them.
I will be affected by The Crisis since my mother will be out of work...Oh God help me! Also a lot of good friends will be on the street. My shoulder and pockets to them. I just hope someone realize that there are more important things at hand than saving face to come on top...Thanks God is not up to me.

Happy IS week to me!

This is a view of my Holyweek's retreat. Isn't lovely? This weekend I try to complete some house work, but rainy day on Saturday left me with a not get out of bed attitude. Made a nice breakfast with scramble eggs with everything, toast and a big glass of fruit punch juice. Then I took myself in a trip to a little town where a flash disrupted their life and a mysteriuos labyrinth appear out of nowhere. The mission was simple get into the maze and save the Queen. But the stories, the people, the atmosphere was deeper than that. With a party of six I jump into action.
Two days of hack&slash, spells and quest. Quite nice for a change. I also took time off to watch Narni which I found too kidie for my taste and Bone collector which was so so. I have a few plants in need of planting hopefully will get to that this weekend.
Also went to DACO again to ask for my case to be taken to the Justice Dept. since the asshole hasnt paid a penny.

Press Me

Hopefully by next week I will be done with the cat thingie. Finally friday, not a bas week overall but I am tire anyway. Dreading that I might be close to a physical break down but the show must go one. No exercise the whole week getting back the H2O into my skin and peeling like a snake...I look dreamy. If it doesnt rain during the weekend is back to The Project and plant some bushes before they die on my garage, and the lemon tree + I HAVE to do the cleaning of the house...did I really wanted Friday to come? If my boss give the word I will be in a trainning on june on Tampa for a week. My luck is that the week after that I already have plans made so I wont be able to stay and go to Disney as I want to...I am curse to not visit the Magic Kindom.
Feeling much better this days hopefully the black cloud is moving on and I can start smeeling the roses.

Back to reality. I took myself to a retreat to recharge my life source. Hopefully during the next few days I will post some pics. I went to a far away place in PR to be with my favorite person ME! I took a book, my mp3 player and the basics. It was great to scape my life to enjoy having a Life...you know what I mean. Sorry for all the worries ppl but I didnt turn on my cell I didnt even watch tv. I did catch a lot of sunshine i got myself a nice dark brown skin...errr let me refrase that...I got a good suntan. It has been a while since I felt so refresh and actualy serene. I have to make a mental note to treat myself more often. Bougth a lemon tree without thorns, a plant that looks like a "pascua" but is not to plan on the backyard. This was a druidic weekend. Now back to work but somehow thing look brighter today...I might be having a Sound of Music moment...

Friday finally

Thanks God is Friday. What a looong week this has been. I cant wait to get home and sleep for 10 hours straight, no phone, no pager, no boss....I need a break. Going shooping for a new sound today. I love my Nightwish/Sonatartica combo but I think is time to add something new. Had a revelation yesterday I can have a companion, a lover, a best friend the problem is that all 3 dont share the same body...hmmm. I am so simple I confuse myself. My companion is there whenever I need someone to talk about my life, but in the long run the sex start to get boring, monotonous, familiar. My lover is always going to be exciting, refreshing, jolly...but I dont want to go deep and ruing everything. My best friend knows everything about me but I dont want to share a bed with her...There was a time when I though I could get everything in one package now I just settle for little pieces that can complete me. Not bad considering the circunstances.

Weekend??

On Friday I went to see a movie that Vierna had the audacity of calling at 12 am to recommened. The movie "V for vendetta" Oh my f***ing God what a rush. It was poetry in motion it has been a while since the last time I felt so trill in a theater. I was so full of emotions that I even cry during the movie. If you havent seen it go. If you dont get it then your lost, if you do get it call me to share it. On Saturday I went to a surprise thingie my stepfather had for my mom I played dominoes( yes I know) with her for a while. My 2 brothers were there some friends and family. She was happy and wearing the earings I gave her :)
Sunday had to come to the office due to a failure on some backups and the system being dowm. They called me at 8:20 am. I was at the office until 3 pm left everything ok and went home to finish cleaning, which I did. With the house clean I read 2 chapters of LoTR.
Today they called me at 6 am(luckly I was on my way). Someone decided to make a power test in the institution and the HUGE ups we have in the office fail. So I started with no light + no system. At 10 am I got almost everything under control.
I have to take a friend to a surgery on Friday and probably take care of him during the next weekend...ok this better pay off.
On the bright side someone left me a Myrna's Sweet cake on my desk. If I had cold milk I would have eaten the whole thing right now.
Vierna I am far but you just need to call.
Groundel dont get mad but GROW UP and GET A LIFE
Trasher either commit or get the Hell out
Sara(still no name for you) stay strong things are not that bad
Angel we are getting there or out of there
Juanca make up your mind
Angel2 dont put with all the crap
Me start taking action

Hopefully I will have time to rest this weekend. Feeling tired the whole week eventhough I have been gettint 7 to 8 hours of sleep. I had a meeteing at DACO on Monday and the contractor agreed to pay me every week until the full...FULL? amount is cover. I just want to get this experience behind me and forget I ever meet that guy.
I havent been able to get a hold of my friend in Ponce so I supposed the campaing is dead. is not like they were that great anyway, but it was something.
My mom turn 62 last Tuesday. I gave her two pair of handcrafted earings by a viequence. She was happy.
For some reason I am hook to this season of American Idol so goodbye to Chicken Little...you had a bad day.

I shouldnt go to sleep early. I can either sleep 3 or 4 hours or over 9 hours. I went to sleep las night at 10 walked up at 5am and I feel like shit. Anyway is Friday and I dont work on Monday due to another meeting regarding the asshole contractor who owns me money. Maybe it was a dream but I think V called, I will check wih here and my cell later. Havent heard from the guys @ Ponce so maybe that is another dead campaing we will see. Starting to write two stories to see which one will keep my interes long enough. I talk to Juanca this week he left a very good job to go teach in High school, then there is Javi who has been a teacher for 12 years and want to go to the PeaceCorps, also V who is looking for a career change...is good to know I am not the only one going thru a phase.

Weekend of Sequels

Ok so I was bore and my great idea was to rent some movies I havent seen...bad idea. First i took a copy of AD&D2 Wrath of the something Dragon, like the first one was so great the decided to make another. Stupid module, no creative DM, cheap,cheap, cheap effects. Oh! and dont forget too long so you can hate it more. Who at the end of editting said this is a good movie? They should fireball, icestorm and the acid him. Next watch Zatura...I loved jumanji I still enjoy watching the movie I dont care about the animatronics or the so obvious blue screen,the movie was entertaining, witty, sassy and it had mister Williams in it. Zatura well it fell short will be an understatement. The movie is so predictable, yes for a movie base on a random game it is predictable. The actors well they SUCK even the supposed to be adorable kid is annoining. The only good thing about this renting frenzy was The Three Musketers,closest thing to a gaming experience I had in the past 2 month.
I follow a frind advice and started reading my books on the living room. I left it there so I have to sit there to continue reading. Move the baby fishes to the entertaiment room so I have to spend time there watching them swim. C I do follow some advices.

My nose is running again I think I should send it to the Olympics or something. This weekend I did absolublty nothing. Just rented Legend of Zorro.......I should have rentend the first one I watched twice. Is Zorro for God's sake why did the try to make it deep? the world may never know.
Unable to decide about my future, and I mean all parts of it:love, financial, career and the list can go on. I might go to Alaska where I can live with my dogs and be alone.
What is the purpuse of having a house if I only use one room?

This weekend was to my House. I clean the backyard, took out all he weed/dry stuff that was covering it for the past 2 month. Plant some things in it...lets see if my curse does not kill them. I have the mutant ability that kill everything I plant. In Spanish "Mato todo lo que entierro" Clean the whole House including the closets... the allergies are killing me. Took care of my fish tanks...I have a new batch of swords tails(fishes). Between chores I was able to catch Flashdance, Vanhelsing, Return of the King(dont get tired of it) and some episodes of Danny Phantom and fairy old parents.
This week at work same old shit happening
On personal matters the waters are calm. just sailing away where the wind will take me. Not forcing anything, not waiting anything just sailing.

Long week looking forward to the weekend. Enough said.

The Ranger is back!

This weekend when to a "finca" in Yabucoa to gather some plants...A friend told me that he had a few Heliconia(http://www.highlandheliconia.com/) so I went to the country...Nice morning, yes I wake up at 8:00 am on Sunday. With a "machete" in hand I went to get the goods. Brought a few plants to my house some for the backyard, a few to hide the doggies and a few to suck water. Then in my house got started on cleaning the dry land that is my backyard. I work on it until 6 pm and there still a lot of stuff to do. I forgot I had to work today. So it will be until next week to finish the cleaning process then on to the landscapping. Not sure what I will do yet. Need more cactuses for the front yard. Hope the ranger does not go huntting so I can get some work finish there.

The day after V

Hope everyone had a nice V-day. Me...well I went to my house to have a nice evening with my lover the TV. But I have to admit I did had a lot of calls from friends and some ghosts. Plus the sugar rush was great. The best compliment I got in the day was "he can eat all the chocolate we want just look at that body" (blush) it did wonders for my self steem.
Thinking on doing another degree in Psy or Literature. Talk to a few people and the lawer thing might not be great at this stage in my life. But still dont know.
Planning a get away on Holy Week, not a beach resort maybe a quite place on the mountains will be great.

Have you seen the commercial "I work with monkeys"? And the sequel "I work with jackasses"? well that sums up my working experience at the moment.

Wednesday

I feel like that in the middle...to far from Saturday not close enough to monday...I am an Island stranded between two continents. In one there is progress, technology , money in the other hopes, dreams, fear...why cant I have it all. Why do I have to sacrifice one for the other. Why my fricking mind has to be in 2 places at the same time. I enjoy what I do for a living but there is so much more I want to do. I dont want to wait until I am almost 50 to have a life. I have the illusion of one right now and s killing me.
Nothing around me lift my soul
motionless wind around me
leeching my will to go on
just a memory of my own
will the night bring joy
or just another empty promise

Something this small can last a very long time.

Misplaced

Wrong time/era/place that is how I feel but hey I am the eternal Knight protector of all, last one to stand never leaving my post. Too many responsabilities on this shoulders, wish I could be careless like some people and live out of my mother or piety, hey I will even seatle for a lover to pay the rent+food+entertaiment...I would be so lucky if I didnt care but I do. Last time I felt my spirit fly was in a beautiful place call Mayaguez...those times always bring a smile to my face, but nothing last forever but the memories remain.

Dark clouds over my head
constant rain everywhere
sweet kiss of death desire
last breath of love forgoten
shadow path of mirages
dying sun in the horizon
starless night my companion

AQ

another week

Good idea:inviting some friends over....Bad idea:tell your friends to invite friends...I was bore on Saturday so I decided to call some people I know to come to my house...I stopped being bore. I turn into Mama Ines, my feet were killing me, I lost track of people, I had a blast. Sony eat something, Angel show me the way, Ursula hang in there things might get better, JC call me damn it. Hope to see V house before the next century.

New Year

Happy New Year and blah, blah, blah....

NOTHING interesting during my 9 days vacations. I almost rot in my house for 4 days...not that many people care. Decide to end the trip in fairyworld and send the pixie on her married way :P Played Wizardry alot(didnt finished though) Trying to get to Ponce nexx weekend to start the year with the campaing. Hopefully Kymil will be at work and we can communicate more often so I will try to get her on board for the game. This Friday I am finally getting the inspector from DACO at my house so I can try to continue the work that the !##$$@$ didnt finished.
Hunting for a new sound but havent found one that rock my world yet(I am talking about music).
At least I have two of my dogs with me at my house and their puppies(2) which have give me a great satisfaction. I can spend hours on the floor getting lick, trample and cover with hair...love every minute of it. They are turnning to be a nice terapy to get away from everything and get out of my room once in a while.
Well back to my first day of work