Renew

Do not question me if you see me gloomy, mad, piss or sad. Understand that is ME is not a phase is not a specific situation is just the way I am. Realize I live my life that way and I do not care. I do have a few moments of enjoyment and very few moments of real joy. I will always see the glass half empty, I will always rain on anyone parade if I do not agree with it. I am not a grumpy old man s just my behavior. I do not have to be like everyone else and pretend, I show how I feel. I express my though in a way that ppl can not misunderstand them. If you find that hurtful is not my problem, go and grow a thicker skin. Yes, I do get depress a lot and for many reasons...and I will accept that is an issue I need to resolve. I live my days one minute at a time. I do not choose to be a certain way I just adapt to circumstances.
I had spend a lot of time on WoW since is my only source of entertainment. The dynamics there are like in RL. I had a feeling of familiarity with some toons and they have it with me. After a few months in the same place you have the opportunity to establish a reasonable amount of comrade with others toons. In time some of those toons turn into ppl and you get to share moments that transcend the game. As is my luck those ppl live in the State but at least is something. I am finally getting the balance between game time and real life. Thanks to the head set I have neglected some RL friends...I only have 2 ears lol
The house is a mystery still so as soon as I make a decision things will happen.

The 3 questions

This week I had my second interview with the Psi/Coach that the administration brought to the office to help us. She just went and explained my profile and how ppl see me. No big surprise there...on the good side they see me intelligent, competent, good with results, trustworthy, good leader...I might believe it. On the negative side they see me as explosive, not a team player, inaccessible...cry babies. We spend like 2 hours talking about strengths and weakness of my profile. She told me all the areas of grow I could have if I decide to give her a chance. That is a big IF because I like the way I am and I enjoy the reaction ppl have to me so if my co-workers cant deal with me that is their problem. The only thing I got out of that meeting was a little anger management exercise I want to try. She explained to me that when I feel anger I am actually dealing with three different emotions which are Pain, Fear and Frustration. So she told me I should try whenever I feel anger to ask myself: Why am I hurt? Why is this frustrating me? What do I fear from this? Since I am an analytical person that should bring me to a point where I can separate the emotions from the fact and I should be able to not explode on ppl and really resolve issues instead of just bury them. The fun will be to try to ask myself those questions before I reap a head off lol.

Back to Abnormal

I has out of commission for a week thanks to a virus that kept me down with fever and body ache. I had to cancel the trip to Fl because of it and spend the whole week sweating and shivering. The prescription was rest, liquids, 2 Tylenols every 4 hours and more rest. So this past week has been a blur of waking moments and cold showers. On the plus side my mother went home and did a Tornado cleaning every time I woke up she was in another room doing something else. And yes I had my sickly soup.
Today I am back at work. Nothing has change everything is the same. Still no news from LaLa Land. The smell of fear is on the air but no sings of hope in the near future.
A little progress in WoW which is not bad for shorts periods of playing. Found a nice guild with a few interesting ppl. At least now I can write to someone while I wait for BG.

Letter to Willie

When I first meet you I was glad I had someone to talk about Reality TV, and some obscure TV shows no one seems to know in the Island. We almost never agreed on many things but the discussions were always interesting. With you I played my first Wii game. Man how many time did I bet you that day? Beginners’ luck you said. Thanks to you I was able to catch up with some series you been the DVD whore had a great collection of them. You were one of the few people I allow myself to visit and it was always a joy to chat and spend time with you, the Wii, AI, Heroes….As I usually do with my friends I didn’t call in a while. Then I saw the promotion on the finalist for AI. I called and left you a message on your cel. Next week I called and left another message saying I was sorry for been so distant. The night of the AI finale I called sure you had to be in front of a TV…the machine didn’t allow any new message because it was full. A few days later I called again and there was a message saying the cel was not accepting more calls. The next day surfing some friends profiles in Facebook I saw your picture so I immediately went to your profile. The posts I read told me what I need it to know. You had pass away a month ago. I am sorry I could not said goodbye, or at least be a real friend and be there when you need it. Now you are with God teaching him how to use those wireless controls and telling him why he should send Simon to hell. I will not miss you because the memories of our time together are happy ones. And I know you lived life to the fullest. Rest with angels my friend

Is the year over??

Crashes and power surge at work had made for two interesting weeks. Dealing with the fact that some equipment can not be reconected to the system after is shutdown...priceless. Managing the fact that I do not have enough PCs to replace the ones that are out of date...frustrating. Is like trying to feed Africa with a truck full of can beans and no can opener around. I had been working my you know what for 15 days, and I have to give credit to my Staff great support and no complains...even I am surprise by the way they are behind every juggernaut decision I am making. So I might have to get another lunch just for my 5 stars. I am still consume by the decision of leaving this place but if nothing here is going to change I have to. I do not know for how long I will deal with this but I am trying. Although I already decided that if I have to lose the house so be it. That house has been nothing but issues to beggining with. Maybe like my first car that is not the house to make me happy. But I need it the experience so I could find the real one.
Getting out of a deep depression with out professional help or medicine has been quite a journey. I am not sure if I am completly out of it but I think I am seeing clearer skies. I am only greatfull for the things I do not have at home: guns, anti-depresants, insectiside, sleeping pills, gas stove, HIV whore...damn I did though about it! The point is some nights are better than others. Some walking moments are sharper than others. Some mirages are easier to detect than others. Hopefully I wont erase this...
Summer is here and my only thoughts are that I can get out of bed one hour later and no traffic...SOme plans for September and maybe vacations on November if WotLK comes out. My only source of entertainment is WoW for now and even that is getting old fast. Still everything block at office so I am trying to go into some pages at home...and doing a lousy job at it.

Netherland

In what seems to be an eternal struggle I am still trying to sort the thoughs in my head. Although some things had been solve for me and it has been for the better. I might be able to pull another year if I continue like this. I moght find some glimmer of purpose to keep on going a little while. Or in the blink of an eye I can take a U turn. Life has a way of teaching us what we need to know. Even if the lesson is a hard and cruel one. Each day is an opportunity to discover a new reality, a new lie, a new begginng. Is the journey that matters to the Wanderer, so for now I will try to do just that, enjoy the view. Like a walk thru the woods if I do not like one scene I can look the other way to see something else. I had payed to much attention to insignifant details and missing the Big Picture. Do not know how far I will get on this road or for how long but I need to believe there is a reason, I need to know there is a destination, I need to find if there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

New Hardware Found

After a few months of getting shit all over I decided to get away for more than a day, so I took 2 weeks off. Well no actually vacations but a change of enviroment and reality. I went back to a time when I Belived...when I though life was worth fighting for...a time when idealist could rule...dreamer. It was an experience long over due.
Work...why bother just the same crap with more ppl on the mix
House...well mix feellings about it. Some days I want to stay and be there enjoying the silence. Sometimes I just want to sell it and look for a smaller place where I can have my dogs.
I had been reconecting and disconecting with ppl around me. It is time to take care of all the waste of space around me. It is time to clear my surroundings and take a stand. I choose a long time ago to kept going so it is time to make it on my own terms.

My Dream's But A Drop Of Fuel For A Nightmare-Sonata Arctica

My painted face, I'm a clown,
and I'm laughing while my dream turns into a nightmare,
fade away, I'm asleep,
not too deep...

The walls of night have left me scarred
the broken glass I stepped on, twice.
the ardent spirits' rusty edge, decapitate me...

I can't sleep, fear darkness
go through the motions, did I fall asleep?
I'm bowling, the old nine pin, a sign unwanted...

Now I'm a target, I'm hot and frozen,
stormy rain I'm stuck in an elevator
wet from the muddy water,
breathing hot air, winds convey me...

bababababaaaa...
the number talks and I cry in my own Hell....
bababababaaaa...
Wide awake, I'm asleep, see a friend as a ghost

I'm skating with a seal,
the tarantula, the fly, the broken ring
the dusty little flea
an ugly giant, a disappointed child

here comes a rabid snake
the broken violin, a wild ballet
Shakespeare and company
refuse to kill the kitten scratching me...

I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling... - awake

You know, if you believe the dreams, the nightly visions, worlds entwined
then you also fear your shadow, paranoia, part two...

All the good things in my life dwell in my mind
Took a wrong lane, every day, I hear myself say
Sickening's this feeling, my life, my hopes, my dream's but a drop of fuel for a nightmare

they all turn out the same
My destiny, my flame
believing is control?
no.
the painting comes alive,
takes me inside a world without a name, a place beyond compare

Believe the dreams that let you sleep
the broken glass you need to sweep
The book you read; if you found an explanation
to help you in any way,
you are your own prison.

Woke up today,
the good and the bad and the ugly dreams are gone
...jumped off the carousel

Revelations

The past two weekends had been quite interesting. One of my brothers is helping me finish all the things the F contractor never did. What is the relevance? That brother had been the black sheep all his life. To the point I did not even acknowledge him for over 4 years. He had been a pain to my mother since he was 15 and now is reaching 50. Suddenly after my mother retired he change. He is clean now, taking care of himself and even getting along with our stepfather. If he was willing to change so was I. After a few months of lowering my guard I decided to ask him to come and work on my house. Not only did he accepted but my other brother and my mother jumped in the wagon. So for the past two weekends I have had the weird experience of becoming a real Family Guy. Working on the garage, on the garden and cleaning the house. They are like ants and loud as gorillas, but all in all they are my family...damn it took me 30 years to accept that. I think they are the only group of ppl I will ever feel attach to. My mother has been radiant since it had been years, many years, since her sons had spend time together with her at the same time without a funeral been involve. And the fact that the work in the house is getting done is a plus bonus.

Just been lazy

A bunch of useless, meaninless and ordinary events had occured in the last month and I won't go on and on about that. Instead I will go over the high point of this year so far. The Iron Maiden concert...the freaking Iron maiden concert!!! After been so stupid to schedule an upgrade the same day of the concert(thankfully nothing went wrong) I decided to visit mother and father before loosinf myself in the madness...the madness came a little early with another chapter of Family Guy, puertorican version. I couldn't arrive to meet a few peps for drinks but as a class reunion the closer I got to the Choliseo the more ghost from the past I meet. Apparently the gates of Hell were open and many creatures came out that night. Once inside the mass of black shirts was outstanding. Never in the Island had I witness such a wave of metalness(I ran out of good metaphors). The whole freaking place was pack with fans from all ages.
After a so so performance by Steve Harris daughter, and a fifteen minutes wait at 9:33pm(by my watch)...
We shall go on to the end, we shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our Island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender

With that began the experience to kill every single concert I had ever seen. I was able to be only feets from the stage. Beside a few minor and major sound problems the concert was incredible.

01. Intro - Churchill’s Speech
02. Aces High
03. 2 Minutes to Midnight
04. Revelations
05. The Trooper
06. Wasted Years
07. The Number of the Beast
08. Run to the Hills
09. Rime of the Ancient Mariner
10. Powerslave
11. Heaven Can Wait
12. Can I Play With Madness?
13. Fear of the Dark
14. Iron Maiden
15. Moonchild
16. The Clairvoyant
17. Hallowed Be Thy Name

I was without my voice for 2 days but who cares I was part of The Somewhere Back in Time tour and that is priceless.

long days

I had been a little lazy or full of too much crap to write. The situations around are still very chaotic. I am trying to cope with too many variables that are out of my control. Tired of dealing with unstable ppl around me. I am either in the wrong place or in the wrong state of mind. Maybe I will do a start over...
No helping hand, no simpathetic ear, no words of encoragment...I am as always on my own. That I am strong does not means I do not need a shoulder to lean on once in a while. It is crazy to depend on my dogs for moral support. And sometimes that is the only support I get. I do not know how much worth it is to keep the track I am...
Tired of this void inside that nothing or noone can fill. Maybe is a void that noone has try to fill. All I know is that is there and is growing every day. The bigger it gets the less I care about fixing it.

another to the list

Just when I though I had ran out of I am sorry...I am really sorry for defending co-workers and trying to proof that they are doing their work. I am sorry to trust they will cover my back beacuse I had covered theirs. Why the hell will I go out of my way to make sure you have all the tolls require to do a task so the day before a big implementation they tell me I forgot...WTF!!! Stupid asshole, you should had done your freaking job, you should had said I will stay and finish it, you should had show some kind of fidelity but nooooooooo. You choose the easy way out. You choose to be one of the mass and as one of them you should be treat it.

monday 2/4

Another week stared and I am in the same crap state of mind. No light at the freaking end of the tunel, well actually no end of the tunnel. Spiriling down into a black hole is more like it. What is the use of it all? Why try to do more when less seems the logical choice. I am just plain tire. Not physically but emotionally drain. It seems I am surrounded by emotional vampires that can not move on unless they take someone else energy.
Sorry I haven't help with the moving but have anyone stop and ask how do I feel? Is not easy to help someone put a few miles between us. How do you think I feel when I have to take every freaking memory away and leave empty space? To replace a pseudo relationship with a cell one is not what I expected at this point in my life. Yes I had been absent but had you ask why?
Sorry I did not when to visit at the Hospital, sorry that your sons think so little of you that they did not went to your bed. I had been there thru the whole separation process. I had witness the crash and burns. I had help with the rebuilding. But right now I can't or won't be there. I need time to fix myself before I can even consider lending another hand.
I am not sorry for my disappering acts because those are the ones that recharge me inside and out. My tolerance levels are very low with a tendency to zero. maybe tomorrow I will see another angle but today that is all I got.

RUSH
"Nobody's Hero"

I knew he was different in his sexuality
I went to his parties as a straight minority
It never seemed a threat to my masculinity
He only introduced me to a wider reality
As the years went by, we drifted apart
When I heard that he was gone
I felt a shadow cross my heart

But he's nobody's hero
Saves a drowning child
Cures a wasting disease
Hero...lands the crippled airplane
Solves great mysteries
Hero...not the handsome actor
Who plays a hero's role
Hero...not the glamour girl
Who'd love to sell her soul
If anybody's buying
Nobody's hero

I didn't know the girl, but I knew her family
All their lives were shattered in a nightmare of brutality
They try to carry on, try to bear the agony
Try to hold some faith in the goodness of humanity
As the years went by, we drifted apart
When I heard that she was gone
I felt a shadow cross my heart

But she's nobody's hero
Is the voice of reason against the howling mob
Hero...is the pride of purpose
In the unrewarding job
Hero...not the champion player
Who plays the perfect game
Hero...not the glamour boy
Who loves to sell his name
Everybody's buying
Nobody's hero

As the years went by, we drifted apart
When I heard that you were gone
I felt a shadow cross my heart

But he's nobody's hero
Saves a drowning child
Cures a wasting disease
Hero...lands the crippled airplane
Solves great mysteries
Hero...not the handsome actor
Who plays a hero's role
Hero...not the glamour girl
Who'd love to sell her soul
If anybody's buying
Nobody's hero

loosing ectropy

It has taken me a few years to make my life predictable, organize, custom made, just the way I like it. There were always too many variables I could not control affecting the equation. And finally one day the formula came to be and my life finally had the correct input and output that even though could drive anyone insane it made sense for me. Work, friends, family, relationship, house all of them combine to generate different degrees of satisfaction(since I know I can never be 100%). But in the past month everyone decided to change composition and screw up my well balance equation. I do not deal well with drastic changes. I like to analyze, well over analyze and explore different ways to attack an issue. I can not just go head first and see what happens.
The closest thing to a relationship is not going to live as close as it had for the past 3 years. Which will bring a lot of changes to the way this thing is working. Deciding were to go, what to do, even were to sleep is going to be hard the first months. Getting use to not been close, well I do not know if that is going to be good or bad. And the moving is because of financial reasons which brings a whole bunch of issues with it.
Then comes work, which I finally decided to take a stand and stick my ground. Still I do not know what will happen but I can only hope for a resolution what ever it might be. I hate the uncertainty. I can not deal or accept some aspect of my superiors and their actions. But still is shaking my world.
At home I am still getting use to not been 100% in control of it, and trying to be a good host. I honestly do not know if I am making a good job or not. I am just trying to not be too bitchy. And that is all I can do.
I might take a few days to visit my brother in Florida or maybe finally take a cruise to relax and release...well if work permits!

So the year began

It had been a very busy year's start. I will try to recap as much as my memory can recall. I said goodbye to the old year in my house, alone, as God intended with jeans and a tshirt. I only got 2 calls one from Mother another from Sony. I felt ok since no one bother me and I did not bother anyone. Hopefully this will be the beggining of a beautiful tradition of me doing nothing on the 31st.
On the 3rd on January my nephew was shot were he lived. He was 19 at the moment and he had a 2 years old daughter. Can not said much about him since the last time I saw him was like 5 years ago. But what got me worry was my brother. He has been in the wrong side of the tracks for years and finally this year he started to show signs of humanity and common sense. But he had a lot of support from all the family including myself. I had to also be there for my mother during the grieving period.
One of my little brothers decided to joing the armed forces. Everyone is supporting that desicion except for his mother. The story is too long but in short joinning the marines is the best desicion my liitle brother has done in a very long time.
Since last week my best friend and her husband are staying with me since their baby was brought to SJ for medical treatment. Just some minor changes and getting use to having ppl in the house. Well, almost since they have to leave really early, and been the Super Parents they are, they are staying until 9pm in the hospital. I was in charge this past Saturday of going to the 2 halfhour visit because they had to get to the west to take care of some stuff.. At least I know I can bore babies to sleep lol. I do not know how they handle it...is a feeling of uselessness been there unable to do nothing but wish and pray. On the plus side I had to buy and install a router for V to get some much needed information from the web. Which means the geek was out again lol. I even set up the wireless security now I need to buy the antena to make the PC an access point...GEEK ALERT Maybe having them at home will make me finally do the techie stuff I should had done a looong time ago.
I am officially part of the WoW community and I am enjoying every moment of it. is not D&D but it is as good as I can get. No Myspace, facebook, Hi5 at work so I had been neglecting a few ppl. Hopefully i will get in touch soon.
The month is not giving signs of slowing down so I will see how it goes.

the last of 2007

This year has not been spectacular, not that bad, not that good either. Which in my case is an achievement. This year was not my year...I mean is was the year of everyone close to me. The year started with my sisters' weddings, one week apart lol. Then it was my mother and stepfather's retirement, Hell month more like it. They were able to buy a house and are having a blast. Is like they are living for the first time in years. My brother that lives with my mother made a 180 degree turn and even I am impress with his behavior. My brother in the states got a job offer in Florida which is going to be great for him and his family. V gave birth to a beautiful expansion of her jejeje. She will make those two proud. So even though nothing extraordinary happen to me it did happen to those close to me. I am happy for their happiness. And I am still learning to take a back sit and watch from a distance. This year I have to learn to take care of my life more closely. I have to really be selfish with me and dedicate more time to me, myself and I.
To those out there I hope you can keep those resolutions until May at least and that all your short time goals can come true this year.

White Night Fantasy (Once)
Nightwish

Enchantress came to me and said:
Meet me at the lake tonight

I hunmed this song to the white
Through the shroud of snow I saw
Paradise
Peace
No more lies

Crestfallen soul
Rest for this night
Love is here
Right here under my wings

I dream of wolves with them I run
For me she lengthened the night
I am home
I am in peace

Crestfallen soul
Rest for this night
Love is here
Right here under my wings

5 days to go

I had managed to stay out of rock bottom this xmas. Still not in a Xmas spirit but at least not under the black weather I had been in the past years. Maybe is the realization that my life is not as bad as I perceive it to be, maybe is having a real concern for someone else, maybe is the fact that I really had not celebrate the season at all...what ever the reason I am just having a lot of free days and no boss at work. Now I only have New years' eve to worry about.
Last weekend I closed a lot of chapters in my life. Mainly because I finally went thru all the boxes I took from my mother's house. I decided to keep only what I really though matters. I threw away books, letters, cards, very old pieces of paper, cassettes, cartridges, elementary school crap, old awards...damn I had a bunch of junk store for the past 30 years or so. Well not any more. The trash should be picking everything up today.
Xmas night was a marathon of family reunions. First my mother's house for eating and some rush quality time then my father's house for a gathering. The highlight of the night was that I was able to played until 4am once I got home.
On other news, my sister from another mother has her baby girl in the hospital. I think I did my first real prayer in a while last week. That baby is really lucky and she knows it. Her parents love her so much that they even became singers for her lol To you both I tip my hat for I had witness your devotion and love.No one can dare say you are not good parents in fact you are the best example of what a parent should be. From far away but you 3 are in my prayers...yes I am praying now

Rainy weekend

If you want to impress someone without flowers this is the way to do it. Fresh fruits in a colorfully display. Nice place, with sweets, with many options,with sweets, fruits cover in chocolate...my new place for gifts. It was funny to ask for an arrangement without any special occasion. The seller was going nuts...
do you want a card with that?
No
the card is free
ok, but no
Do you want to write something?
No
Can I put a name to it?
No
The card will print anyway
...ok, so write just for you
that's it?
yesss
do you want your name on it?
dude, I am delivering the thing
oh, ok

It was funny, apparently ppl need an occasion to ask for a gift or something.

Saturday was a black hole of "why even bother" at some point around 9 pm decided to rent a movie. I though King Kong was too long until I saw Spider-man 3...WTF!! They could have done all that in a third of the time. I am so glad I did not paid to watch that crap on a theater. Sunday was another geek day, playing with features in the PC. Which means next week i have to give some loving to the house+car+dogs. Still talking to my State brother every week, which is very refreshing. My mother is officially in her new home. And so far I have not been hit too hard by the Xmas spirit.

The Vista days

I bought a new PC, though on going to Mac for a while but in the last moment went PC. After a lot of researching found one that wouldn't blow my budget and that could make me happy for the time been. 3g of RAM, NVDIA video card, lots of HD, media ready, 19" display. All in all a very nice PC with an adequate price. The only problem was that it came with Vista, I have not had the opportunity to play with it so I took that as a challenge...well more of a puzzle. Lets remember that I DO KNOW computers and programming. First step move all my programs/files from the Laptop to the PC...easily done with an external drive of 500gb. Second step install/download into the new PC...here is where you start to feel stupid. I only have my account so is an administrator account and Vista still ask you for permissions to do some installing, ok not bad. Some installations are not completing, others after the installation are not working. I went thru so many FAQS and in too many the first comment was "Upgrade to XP and you won't have any issues" *sob* To finish some installations I had to turn off processors, for others I had to explicitly give permissions to the application, for another resolved a compatibility issue...After a two days my PC had everything install. My favorite online game did not want to work...back to the FAQ. Stupid, freaking Vista even though I am the administrator of my PC I have to open with "Run as Administrator" for some applications to function...WTF!!!! Oh well it is a learning process. My neighbor bough a new PC too and ask for help since he is from the Stone Age in regards to computers. I said sure, How long can it take? *sob*. First step move programs/files...his old PC is Win98...*faint*freak out* that means the external drive would not work because of driver's issues...3 jump drives later...Turn the new PC and started downloading upgrades...2 hours later...restart for new upgrades...HELLO!!!!! the a third time. Left everything for the next day. One critical update did not finish...at this time I knew the FAQ Home Page by heart. After a 4 pages long step by step explanation of the issue upgrades were complete. Moving to installations...Office 2007 would not start. It would said setup complete but it would not open...FUCK!! I mean FAQ!!! After searching FAQs and users forums I found out that Vista and Office(although from the same company) has some issues with printers file. So after some Office upgrades(No they do not come with the Windows updates) I finished that setup.

Things learn:
Vista is not user friendly
3gs are awesome
Need a desk
Need a comfy chair
I am a freaking tech

Goodbye to The Crazy One

Yesterday the first born of Natasha Silverbane pass away. In her first day on the new house her naive playfullness got the best of her. In the garden that she was supposed to share with her mother she found death. A wild spirit, never tame, never behaving, always cheerful, always the puppy. How was she to know of the perils that lurks on the wild. I still remember that late night when she came into the world. So tiny was she, so helpless...she was my first delivery. I clean her, put her next to her mother and just watch her for God knows how long. My mother took her as her own, in case I took Natasha away. But the two of them became inseparable, until now. Natasha still has the marks of her crying, that really got to me. I was not there to say goodbye, but I will miss you. The way you always use to find a way to pee on me, either first hand or with that damn flailing tail. I will miss the fighting for affection that you and your mother had everytime I got close. Rest in peace

Mecano-Laika

...y si hacemos caso a la leyenda
entonces tendremos que pensar
que en la tierra hay una perra menos
y en el cielo una estrella mas...

First week of December

Not so bad comparing to last year. Must be my resolution of not celebrating. I am even going to work during December. I am tire of expecting, waiting, hoping...I won't rain on anyone parade, or try to bring no one down, but I will try with all my might to keep afloat. So this year there will be no decorations at my house, no gathering of people, maybe a few mandatory phone calls and nothing more. December will be just another month with a cold weather.
I am loosing the battle to keep my sanity at work, but ppl apparently are not noticing or maybe they are to afraid to let me know. I am not controlling my temper, my tone of voice or my body language. Is getting to the point that I do not care what happen to me any more.
Family...the only highlight is that my brother that lives in the states is communicating more often. After X years we are finally creating a real bounding...who knew? I am actually looking forward for hos new job to start so I can visit him in Florida. Maybe I can get to know other nephews beside Yanqui and Zuly.
Today is catching up on emails and messages. Hope I do get them all :P