Sick in the head

Have you ever witness a crash accident? I mean before it happens. You know what will be the outcome but you can not look away from it. You just have to watch it happens. Well I am in that point in my life. I am seeing bodies in motion and they are in a collision course. Bound to crash into each other and I can not look away. I am mesmerize by the whole spectacle waiting for the inevitable conclusion. Why does the Devil put those distractions so close?
Being the Puppet Master at work is becoming so easy that is not even funny. Dolls need to be manipulated in order to go from A to B. So I am really doing them a favor. I am giving them purpose. I am only giving them the right point of view. Which only I can really know.
A waste is a terrible thing to mind but hey someone has to.

Not manic but Monday

I have been negleting some ppl lately, who knew? I am feeling kind of tire once I get home, so the only thing I do there is watch TV and sleep. I am not deppress just tire. Even the doggies were missing me, and that can not be. This weekend I force my ass out of bed and shower all four dogs...well I play with water, they tag me, I rinse them they slobber me...it was all fun. Then I put the druid robe and attack some vines that were strangeling roses and Heliconias. while doing that I got some insight of how the plants might look their best. Which means I have a relocating project ahead. Even considering how to use the doggies poo to fertilize the garden...and not manually :s I also had a change to brainstorm some ideas for the party/shortstory/whatever. I need to buy new notebooks if I want to keep my breathing health.

monday again

Busy at work, same crap same old dog trying to get away with same old tricks...Not this time. I am planning a one man strike or something. Well not exactly but I will just do what I am supposed to do and nothing more. Lets see if they like it :) House is looking more as a house every day. Still do not know how much more $$$ can I put into it. I have to put it in black and white..so I won't get into the red.
Every moment I get more convince I should do the Psi thing and work on my own...need to get the $$$ straight first.
1st of October looking to put some Halloween thingies at home and at the office, maybe next year I can finally do the Haunted House theme I have always wanted. But this year still too much debry to do that.
Probably family visit this weekend to do some cleaning, hope is not a bad idea.
Mentally busy, physically tired...

A ranger's feast

Last night I went to Top Meat, suppose to be a good place to eat and that is an understatement. The place is between Guaynabo and Bayamon. The first impression is that it is a gourmet store with some tables in the back to sit. Wine racks are everywhere, sorted by country. I was not in my comfort zone for the first 10 minutes. After a few, apparently obvious, questions on my part I got the feeling of the place. First you can go and hand pick your wine and every bottle has the price on the bottom :) The wine collection is obscene and the price range very good. After picking a well know wine a sat and the complementary artisan's bread was brought to the table with a plate of olive oil and pepper...If they had put a pound of bread I would had ate the whole thing. For appetizer we ask for a chorizos parrilleros that came with some tostones. As another complementary treat they brought us pana chips with pico de gallo...was I gona had space for the real meal?? The place became really homey and the conversation helped a lot to increase the experience. For me I ask for BISON medium with arroz manposteado...now I know why they are going extinct. The meat was so tender, rich and not overpower with condiments. Then another bottle of wine to match the experience. This time I went with something new to learn its taste. I was able to taste Wild Boar and Ostrich on the table. For dessert raisin bread pudding with ice cream...and a birthday candle :s I gave everyone a little piece because it was a HUGE piece. I also took a bite of a dark, really dark chocolate brownie and something with a custard that I forgot the name. Great service, excellent atmosphere...and if you want something from the store even if is not on the menu the can prepared for you.
I got home around 11pm and to my freaking surprise the whole drive way was empanetada :o I guess is not when I want to celebrate is when the DM feels like it.

The post that almost was

Natural selection is the way the cycle of life continues to move forward. Species most evolve in order to cope with the changes in the environment. Those that do not or can not evolve are doom to perish and go extinct. So, is the order of things, and the way life will go on. Out of time to change or learn new tricks those obsolete will be left behind, forgotten. This is not an evil act is just nature taking is course.
And then there are those that evolve too soon and are force move on, with no lead of what to expect or any guidance to follow. Having to experience the rights and wrongs of life, so others can learn and not do the same mistakes...working to makes someone else life easier.
Living on extremes is not easy, is tiresome. You either fade away or die not knowing why. You are looking ahead or flying solo. You are alone or getting lonely.
Everything I hold dear is safely in the pack. I can only observe while the march continue. Never part of it just an observer.

Not unbreakable
Not made of stone
Not unreachable
Just a heart beat away

In the rage of my voice
In the sorrow of my eyes
In the useless fights
I made my cry for help

In the oceans
In the clouds
In the mountains
No one heard my howl

Forever away
Never again
Time to fade
Dreamers ends

That was supposed to be my post but I see things brighter today. Not into blaming or bashing. Yes I will drag me feet for a few more days, but I will levitate you'll see.

Bday 07

From now on I will make life easier for me and those around me. I will no longer observe my birthday, anniversaries, Xmas and new years. No longer will I expect anything from anyone on those days. Do not worry I will as always remembers yours but from now on I will not expect you to remember or make memorable mine. I am just tire of the disappointment even when ppl try their best. I am sorry but this is no elementary school so a Merit batch is not good enough for me. Life should be more passable once I get the message out there.

Burning at both ends

Last week I was in charge at the office, not that much of a challenge if ppl did not expected me to fix 6 month of BAD, VERY BAD management. I have the tools, knowledge and desire to do what must be done, but I won't do it for nothing. My short temper is been test every freacking day at work and so far I had been able to kept it check.
House...well is in progress hopefully i will be able to see it done by the end of the month. Mix feelings about what to do once/if the job is finish. Part of me want to get into doing all the little things that must be complete, another part just want to get as far away as possible. To have one visit a month or so is not what I had in mind when I bought the house. So I might need to reconsider moving closer to the ppl I know...on the other hand living in the Mountain has it benefits.
Trying to get motivate is not an easy task for me, this freaking mood is starting to bug me and I need to snap out of it. Lack of motivation or inspiration, routine, emotional void, whatever poetic metaphor I want to call it. Having more bad days than good nights...I prefer the night time, perverts! I am looking forward to a cataclysm and reshape my whole existence...BEWARE!!!
Hopefully putting a D&D party together will fuel some, much need it, life into my life.

Another waitting period

I have gone to Las Vegas and back...Although you can see the whole place in 2 or 3 days is worth to take the time to enjoy the architecture and surprises it has. From pirates ships to Rome and New York the place is just a mix of exagerations done with good taste. It was a bussiness trip but I had the chance to go to the Stripp at night, which was better after all. The temperature was over 105C even at night. It was like feeling the Sun in your face at midnight. The highlight of my trip was a dinner in The Cheesecake Factory(insert my droll here). It is a steak house with great beverage, variaty food and godlly deserts. I will visit one every chance I have. The other high point must be the 3 hours all you can play bonanza at gameworks. Video games for free, enough said.
Back to reallty my bitch gave birth to eight puppies and all of them die before I arrive to my house :( Do not know what happen it just did. I was more worry about the mother than of the fact. I guess I will definetly fix here this year. The bitch I call best friend :P gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Or a mini V more like it lol. She and her husband are going to be great parents. I had the chance of seeing them in action and they do complement each other.
Last monday was the most rescent chapter of the asswhole contractor. Well...another month long wait for the last chance at finnishing the job or all my money back. The judge was really harsh on the fellow, FINALLY. So if the job is not done to my entire SATISFACTION(how many things are wrong in that sentence lol) he must pay back all the money I gave him. The contractor went pale.So, sob, he has done some minor things but no biggie yet.
More random updates
Ghost reappering from the gamming cemetery
New satelites joining the solar system of Q
Proud of having 75GB on my iPod

A quick, very quick fast forward

Went to the Dominican Republic the 28th of July to spend a week with my father, brothers and stepmother. I thought the freaking pilot was drunk since the airplane was going side ways more times than I though were healthy. The Melia Tropical Caribe is a gorgeous place. From the reception to the beach there is not a single place to be disappointed...even the bathrooms are like a lobby with a fountain view and sitting areas(I did not ask why). I was able to meet ppl and enjoy the company of my family(yes I do have one). Even though I had to be my bitchy self I had a great time and maybe I will like to repeat the experience.
Having that out of PR experience I decided to give ppl a chance. I know I have a tendency to scare the locals but for a while I will take the chance and put myself out there...we'll see how that experiment goes
Tomorrow I will be living to Las Vegas on business trip. which means another week to be out of sync but I won't complaint much.
Overall I am having a good time, I think I am beginning to enjoy life instead of just living it...btw my garden is doing great! So I might have time to smell the roses, literally.
Two of my bitches are about to give birth one is my baby Kalisto and the other is my best friend. Hopefully they can wait 4 days so I can be here for that event...I have always being there for the deliveries of the puppies(real puppies) do not want to miss on that.

of lights and dogs

Since I bought my house I now there are some things going around which I have deal quite well...for an insane guy. First there were the presence of someone lurking in the room, who even dare to lay down in bed with me. Then there were the firefly like lights...which scare the hell out of me the first time. But lately the dogs are being restless at odd time in the morning, in which moments I feel movement in the outside(hopefully not a stoker). Last night the room light up completely with a wing shape light for about 2 minutes...WTF...or...OMG. Luckily I was not alone so it was not a dream. Ever since I started working on the gardens things are more welcoming...I though I was joking about the druid thingie. I used to be more a tune in a galaxy far away a long time ago...maybe something is coming back or I am coming back.

is it Monday?

No matter how organized I am there are two variables that completely mess up my equations: work and my mother. This weekend I let work cancel out my best friend. I am not proud of it but I think is my nature. I am not going to blame no one because I know ppl. I am just so fucking frustrated that I let her down. Beside being up all night and then receiving calls early in the morning I got so tired that I just needed it a bed and then some Potter.
With half a brain in function I became Dear Abby or something. There seems to be an epidemic of break outs so BEWARE!! D things can and will get better...Al just hang in there it can't rain forever...Busta just thanks...Moe you are an accident waiting to happen...J & A you are so sweet that you make me sick(in a good way) don't change and thanks for a great meal and company.
Clear the air in some personal issues that were over due. Hopefully I can try to enjoy some company or companionship.

Wildfire
Sonata Arctica

Oh, why are we so sad?
Are we feeling hurt by their evil eyes
and all those empty words?
We are thirsty for payback?
What would we like to do with the town?
Would we like to make it... dance? With the Animal?
Would we? WOULD WE?!
Tell us what we would like to do.
... burn it... burn it all...

Burn honey, burn, let the fire eat away
I never liked the look of this town
Burn it down now
I'll run, they all know what I've done
I fetch my gear and take my leave from this mountain

I never had a chance to prove I wasn't guilty,
I always seemed to get blamed for
Every little crime, I didn't even have a name for...

Still running, still defeated in my mind
I never even tried to defend my own pride
The father ain't always like the son
They claim we've purloined, I'm not the one...

The story always goes, when the anger within
Builds up for too long...
Takes us over...
And we all are forced to obey, hey...

It was a match made in Hell,
now the whole mountain burns
and every man gets what no man deserves

Our beloved kin never learned to fit in
Now I pay for my name, live my life in sin
How much less can I ask from you people?
This town stays in disarray
'til the rules are the same for us all, hey...

I've ran on this mountain, with no guilt of my own
The trees and the rocks, every cave, every hole
I dropped them a line, "beware, this mountain will
blow in your face. My last saving grace..."

Bells toll all over the town, burn, burn until it's all gone
Game over, what was a bad joke is now a reality show...

Are we all forced to obey... Are we ALL are forced to obey...

I climbed up the mountain,
and dug a grave for each day of pain,
it's in the past, this moment's so frail...
I am what you made me
With years of abuse, So burn!!!!

This is a match made in Hell,
now the whole mountain burns
and every man gets what no man deserves

Our beloved kin never learned to fit in
Now I pay for my name, live my life in sin
How much less can I ask from you people?
This town stays in disarray
'til the rules are the same for us all

Our beloved kin
Now I pay for my name
How much less can I ask from you people?
I hereby declare a martial law
and you all, we all are forced to obey... hey!

Ups, downs and around

I will try to have a good attitude towards the things I can not change...if I keep repeating that to myself I might start to believe it. But God why do you have to test me so hard? Good intentions are bullshit, posite thought are useless, ACTIONS move the world. Ppl should spend more time doing, making, putting ideas into motion instead of just talking and wasting air. But once again I have to admit that if everyone act like that then I am the one who must be wrong. Wrong of trying to behave like a responsable human being. Wrong of expecting support. Wrong of believing other ppl can have critical thinking. So I will admit I am wrong on putting trust somewhere beside me.
Teaching myself how to take care of plants and having a good time doing it(who knew?). I am finally spending time outside the house :o I think the neighbors are getting worry lol

Friday 13th

This is a well balance week, last Saturday was 7/7/7 and today is Friday 13th. Life is trying to reach a middle point or something...hmmm Since I did not got lucky hopefully I won't get (more) bad luck. The druid/Ranger is in full motion I was able to bring back to life a rose plant and another tree/bush that the gardener buthcer a few months ago. WARNNING: EMOTIONS AHEAD Yesterday I went to water the plants and I saw a little green on the pot that have, what I though was a lost cause, death pices of wood for the past 3 weeks. Thinking it was jsut grass I bend to pick it out. For my surprise they were leaf on the base of the trunk. I look for someone to share the news and the only ones there were the dogs. So I went and share the happy news with them. I was on the floor with four dogs fighting for attention. I also saw improvement on a rose that was deprive of leaf. It took me more than 2 years but I am learning the basic of plant growing...Everything has two sides lol


www.hostdrjack.com

:-O_ _ _ _

Why the Hell did I wait so long to see Pirates of the Caribbean? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! The movie is so freaking good. So many things happening my eyes were everywhere. Perfect timing for my so bored existence. The only fault is that I probably won't be able to see it again in the theater...maybe. Please someone bring D&D back to my life...maybe I should >:|
Work irrelevant at the moment trying to keep the I don't care attitude, house same ups and downs, personal life...having one, not the perfect one but one. I need something to focus my energy on even if it is the bad one. If I can not find the lost arc maybe I can find a desolated island in the process.
Liking myself a lot but piss at too many things around me. Full fill, NEVER and I have to deal with that. Perhaps it is my high expectations or the never ending flow of ideas that come to my head. Whatever it is I know for a fact that I will never be satisfied with nothing or no one. At least I will have goals until the day I day or my goals kill me :s

Which Horror Movie Are You?

Ginger Snaps

You are ready to move on with your life and become a whole other person. You are tired of what you used to be, you need to introduce some excitment into your life, however you can. Whether this means taking up a new a job, or a whole new identity, you want to leave who you used to be at the door, and break out of your shell, becoming a whole new person.


Is that a hint or something?? Frustration is beggining to take a tool on me so I will try my best to ignore and keep on walking. I will not try to make things right, if you like to breath shit them for all means stuff yourself. Why should I care if no one does. I will just live and let die.

Friday??

Well the week is over and I am looking forward to spend some quality time in my house alone or with company, wherever the wind blows. Seriously thinking of getting out of the house so I can go on new venues, but not sure yet. I am not sure if it is the time of the year or something else...I will keep track. I can not see where I am going, is like driving while falling asleep, you open your eyes and find yourself farther but you don't know how or when is going to end.
A batch of new faces is hatching lets see if they have the longevity the become more or will they disappear in the mist like distant memories.

Sometimes...

Should I feel rage or pity towards the ppl that can't or are unable to live to my so Godly expectations? I am aware that I do expect allot from the ppl around me, and of course I know that my expectations are unrealistic by mortal standards. But I refuse to lower them...then what are my options?
1.Stop winning because no one can satisfied me
2.Keep crushing souls in the wake of my rage for their stupidity
3.Ignore, Delete, Restart
4.Cease waiting for a Big Bang

I closed myself a long time ago and now I know why. Is not the pain of being hurt is the frustration of being disappointed. I can handle suffering but I am a bitch when it comes down to be let down. The worse part is that only I notice those times, ppl are so single minded or just plain...well plain that they do not even realize something is wrong and when they do catch something is out of place, they tend to point to another direction.

Until September these will be frustrating months...

Yesterday my mother and stepfather celebrated their 28th anniversary, man that is some give and take relationship. But it does work for them. If only dogs lasted that long...

Middle of 07

After a month of no going to the movies I went to see FF Rise of the Silver Surfer...Is Stan Lee so desperate of attention that he is willing to sacrifice quality over a few seconds on screen. I am not a hard core fan of the FF and even I could see the mayor violations done to that story. And lets say for the sake of the argument that I went to see it as just a movie then it just plain sucks!
Besides that I did some cleaning on the garden..not much
House keeping...while it last
Getting tire of being there for everyone, I am about to turn into the Mar's Storms and blow everyone in my path. Not fair to be the One and never have a one. I do not have a problem to be a lone wolf but if you are trying to be part of my pack act like you mean it. Run beside me, hunt with me, sleep under the same fullmoon, cry under the same rain. I only ask for you to share my experiences, my journey, my life.

back

You scored as Sorceress, Your a sorceress. You cast a spell on people the first time you meet them, and you love for them to depend on you. You get upset when things don't go your way. Well, guess what, your in for a shock, 'cause you don't always get what you want. Dragon 100% Sorceress 100% Drow 92% Vampyre 92% Wolf 83% Goddess 67% Shadow Spirit 67% Faerie 50% Elf 42% Zombie 33% What ancient breed are you? created with QuizFarm.com

Long days and even longer nights. Still waiting for my body to shut down for 12 hours or so. Trying to get the mind juices running, no I am not planning on killing someone. I just pick up the damn pencil and notebook and started writing. Still do not know the direction I am heading with it. It might be a module, a short story, a poem or jus some random thoughts. A deserve outburst for the storms in my head. On more normal news: I am making a few designs for the Pack housing and play ground. They will share the space with the garden wanna be. Also deciding what change will be more interesting(for me) in the front yard. Not looking for painting since the asshole I have for a contractor still haven’t finish the freaking job. I am more convince that my breed was spread trough the four corners of the planet so we couldn’t dominate it. I had meet a bunch of old souls like mine and I am grateful for that. Just wish they were not so distant or unreachable. For now I will keep astral traveling or net surfing you pick.

A month in oblivion

Not going to make the epic novel about the past month and its turmoils. Lets just say that I am getting back to a normal schedule and having a life after work. Being a slave to expectations is a tiresome duty. Under achievers have all the fun, no one expect anything from them and their littlest effort is perceive as a triumph. Stupidity should be a crime punish by death so the worthy can live on a better World. Useless crap should be dump in the nearest junkyard so it can rot away without being seeing or smell.

Dance of death-Iron Maiden

Let me tell you a story to chill the bones
About a thing that I saw
One night wandering in the everglades
I'd one drink but no more

I was rambling, enjoying the bright moonlight
Gazing up at the stars
Not aware of a presence so near to me
Watching my every move

Feeling scared and I fell to my knees
As something rushed me from the trees
Took me to an unholy place
And that is where I fell from grace

Then they summoned me over to join in with them
To the dance of the dead
Into the circle of fire I followed them
Into the middle I was led

As if time had stopped still I was numb with fear
But still I wanted to go
And the blaze of the fire did no hurt upon me
As I walked onto the coals

And I felt I was in a trance
And my spirit was lifted from me
And if only someone had the chance
To witness what happened to me

And I danced and I pranced and I sang with them
All had death in their eyes
Lifeless figures they were undead all of them
They had ascended from hell

As I danced with the dead
My free spirit was laughing and howling down at me
Below my undead body
Just danced the circle of dead

Until the time came to reunite us both
My spirit came back down to me
I didn't know if I was alive or dead
As the others all joined in with me

By luck then a skirmish started
And took the attention away from me
When they took their gaze from me
Was the moment that I fled

I ran like hell faster than the wind
But behind I did not glance
One thing that I did not dare
Was to look just straight ahead

When you know that your time has come around
You know you'll be prepared for it
Say your last goodbyes to everyone
Drink and say a prayer for it

When you're lying in your sleep, when you're lying in your bed
And you wake from your dreams to go dancing with the dead
When you're lying in your sleep, when you're lying in your bed
And you wake from your dreams to go dancing with the dead

To this day I guess I'll never know
Just why they let me go
But I'll never go dancing no more
'Til I dance with the dead